Confession of My Racist Act, Part One
It was most likely during my first year as a Gallaudet transfer student that I committed this racist act. So, in the 1989 to 1990 school year. I don’t remember now if I joined them at their cafeteria table or if they joined me at mine, but one way or another I happened to end up eating dinner at the same table as a pair of D/deaf African American women. We didn’t talk much, or for long. I don’t recall now if we even introduced ourselves. We had never met before, and didn’t ever meet again. But, at some point in the evening, I asked The Question.
If you’re a Deaf/deaf Black/African American person, you probably already know what I’m talking about. This is The Question that every D/deaf African American hates to receive from a Deaf Caucasin.
Bring your filming camera to this scene. See the Gallaudet cafeteria, and see the hundreds of hungry students fetching food and seating themselves, flashing their hands in a hundred different conversations. See three d/Deaf women seated at a large cafeteria table, each with a food tray in front of them. Zoom in closer. See me turn to one of the African American women next to me and ask, “Do you see yourself as Deaf first or as Black first?” Turn the camera to the face of my companion. See her look of wounded shock. Freeze. Bring the camera closer, and freeze again.
This is the racist act promised in the title of this blog. But this is not the start of my story. Hit pause. Hit rewind. Go back across the years …
Next:
Part Two: Confession of my Racist Act — What Led to This Moment? (My childhood)
Part Three: Confession of my Racist Act — What Led to This Moment? (First year at a “hearing” university)
Part Four: My Racist Act, Redux
Part Five: The Consequences of My Racist Act
Part Six: My Racist Act: The Apology I Owed
[Want to submit your own essay for publication on this blog? It should be related in some way to reunifying or healing the Gallaudet community in the aftermath of the protests. See prior posts soliciting co-authored essays or essays in general for instructions.]
Learn vocabulary and feed the hungry at freerice.com
Hmmm… I have some questions but I think I’ll just wait for you to finish all 6 parts before I bring it up should it haven’t been answered yet by then.
Barinthus
28 November 2006
Being Deaf, white, and male myself, I don’t regard that “Do you see yourself as Deaf first or Black first” question as an act of racism. Well, you might be somewhat of a racist back then, and you might be conscious that you were sharing a table with these Africian-American females. You nevertheless appeared If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say the reason why these Africian-American females were startled by this question was probably because it came out of blue, and especially by a white stranger, and they were probably wary and guarded as to the reason behind the question.
Juan A. Vietorisz
28 November 2006
Being Deaf, white, and male myself, I don’t regard that “Do you see yourself as Deaf first or Black first” question as an act of racism. Well, you might be somewhat of a racist back then, and you might find yourself feeling conscious that you were sharing a table with these Africian-American females. Yet you initialized a conversation about the “Black versus Deaf” issue with them. I think that implies some degree of open-mindedness on your part, even if you were actually a bit of a racist. I once caught a presentation by Dr. Oscar Cohen (a white CODA and a former superintendent of Lexington School) concerning racism. He said that one of the useful ways of combating racism is to openly talk about it. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say the reason why these Africian-American females were startled by this question was probably because it came out of blue, and especially by a white stranger, and they were probably wary and guarded as to the reason behind the question. Or they might not be accustomed to the culture and way of Deaf people who tend to be quite straightforward and talk whatever comes to mind.
Juan A. Vietorisz
28 November 2006
Barinthus and Juan: thanks for your comments.
In parts four and five, I will explain more clearly why many Black Deaf people DO consider the question to be racist. I’m also hoping that people who are more intimately familiar with this issue will use the comment section here to add their own comments.
Part four of my story will also give you more of a sense of what I was probably thinking at the time (it was 17 years ago so I can’t reconstruct it precisely, I can only surmise based on what I remember of myself at that age). But, no, I wasn’t thinking nearly enough about the idea of starting an actual, open dialogue about race — I had a specific answer I was hoping to get. So, in a sense, I was actually trying to foreclose real dialogue on the issue. Though you’re right — getting my question out of the blue from a stranger probably did throw them off guard and made them more wary than they might have been in other circumstances.
Barinthus: if subsequent parts don’t answer your question then, of course, please do ask. In fact, you could ask now if you like — the worst I would do is ask you to wait
andreashettle
28 November 2006
An analogy would be “Which do you see yourself first–Deaf or Female?” (or male, as the situation might be.) At the risk of pre-empting your subsequent entries, I would think it amounts to denying part of yourself in trying to answer this question. Does one prioritze or rank in order the various parts of ones identity?
Perhaps a better question would be: “Which group would you join: a Deaf white group or a Hearing black group?” The prioritization shifts from what one regards as important about onself to what one regards as important about other people: communication. I’d like to hear from Black deaf people on this.
DPG
Dianrez
28 November 2006
White and hearing, I probably have very little to offer here about either community you’re hoping to reconcile. I only wanted to say this:
You are such a writer!
I came here out of mild curiosity and was immediately transfixed by what I realized immediately was going to be an immensely engaging moment of extreme discomfort and human vulnerability.
Boy oh boy did you ever deliver!
I don’t have answers, but I recognize a question well-put. You seem to me to be the right person to facilitate the dialogue.
Even so, good luck!
davidbdale
28 November 2006
As a white male, I don’t see the question as racist, but then again, I’d be interested to see why the writer thinks it is.
Anonymous
29 November 2006
To David Bale: Thank you for your kind words! I’m flattered you like this story so far.
To “Anonymous”: I will explain more, and to the best of my personal comprehension, about why some Deaf Black people find this question racist and offensive (or, if not racist, then at least hurtful and upsetting) in parts four and five, and a bit in part six.
andreashettle
30 November 2006
[...] We started this story during my first year at Gallaudet when, in my ignorance and insensitivity, I commited a racist act (see Part One). Then I took you through my childhood years (see Part Two). Now, we flash forward … [...]
Part Three:Confession of my Racist Act — What Led to This Moment? (First year at a “hearing” university) « ReunifyGally
30 November 2006
Forgive me andreashettle if I’m being a jerk for a moment. This happens so often I wonder if my name is an optical illusion. It’s actually a pseudonym to honor my Mother (Beatrice) and my Father (Dale).
David + B + Dale = davidbdale
Thanks. And yes, I do like the story so far.
davidbdale
30 November 2006
[...] This story began with my racist act (see Part One); then I took you on a quick flashback through my childhood years (Part Two) and my first year in college (Part Three). Now, please take your filming camera back to the scene in the cafeteria. But this time, we come in 15 minutes earlier, while the three of us are still eating dinner … [...]
Part Four: My Racist Act, Redux « ReunifyGally
30 November 2006
[...] This story began with my racist act (see Part One); then I took you on a quick flashback through my childhood years (Part Two) and my first year in college (Part Three). Then we returned to the scene of my racist act, but this time with a glimpse inside my head (Part Four). [...]
Part Five: The Consequences of My Racist Act « ReunifyGally
30 November 2006